Life is Good

So, as we tippy-toe – or cartwheel, depending on your style – into the New Year, it seems to be in our nature and our cultural mindset to reflect and to aspire.  We reflect on our past: on events of the past year, on decisions we made, on (in an often disconcerting manner) who we’ve been.  And then we aspire.  We aspire to do better, to be better.  People make resolutions, and although we often resolve to make superficial improvements to ourselves (to lose weight, to obtain some fancy material possession, to get laid), some people resolve to make improvements on a deeper level.  To be better people, whatever particular form that may take.   And good for us.  My training in Counseling Psychology has embedded deep within me the belief that every individual is capable of continuous growth and betterment.  That although people inevitably make mistakes and encounter problems, they are generally capable of learning from their mistakes and solving their problems.  That’s not to say that it’s simple.  Life is always more muddy and complicated than we manage to make it appear on paper.  But everyone is capable of achieving positive change, and everyone should be empowered to do so.  There’s no better time, I guess, than the New Year.

I’ve been surprised (although I don’t really know why) by how many people I know who’ve expressed a general sense of “Good Riddance” with regard to the past year.  The common theme seems to be that the past year sucked balls, so the fresh start embodied by the New Year is more than welcomed.  I’m tempted to wonder what – ON EARTH – has being going on in all those people’s lives that they would be so ready to wash their hands of the past year.  But then, the specifics don’t really matter, and frankly, the gritty details of others’ lives aren’t any of my business.  What matters is that people seem to see the New Year as an opportunity to wipe the slate clean and aspire for something greater in their lives.  Amen, and more power to them.  Despite my surprise at the sheer number of metaphoric middle-fingers to the past year, I completely get it.  In soooo many ways, the past year was a total bummer for me, too.  Before the past year, I never knew that life could be so hard, that my heart could break so completely and repeatedly, that people (people I cared for and respected) could be so damn mean and so utterly spiteful, or that fierce-and-feisty-me could be so thoroughly terrified of life, of the world, and of the people in it.

Thankfully (seriously, THANK YOU), even as the terror of the past year swirled around me, threatening to smother me, I understood that what I was experiencing (although real and legitimate) wasn’t all she wrote.  There’s always more to life than what appears to be.  Even as I was thrashing around, I understood that life is good, the world is good, and most importantly, people are good.  Don’t get me wrong, I had more than a few moments when I was convinced that I might not come out on the other side.  But I was blessed to have some fabulous people to remind me of those key truths:  Life is good.  The world is good.  People are good.  And in reminding me, those amazing, wonderful people continuously showed me that at the end of all the ickiness, I would be okay.  Even more powerful, they showed me that even as a stood mired in the muck, I was, in fact, already okay.  Along with those three immutable (if oft overlooked) truths, my okay-ness had never – and would never  – change.

I’m not the only – or the first – person to learn the abiding goodness of the world or the enduring worth of keeping on keeping on.  John Mayer knows it, too, and he says so in his song, “The Heart of Life.”  My favorite verse of the song says, “You know, it’s nothing new.  Bad news never had good timing.  But then, the circle of your friends will defend the silver lining.”  I started the previous paragraph with a parenthetical thank you, and now seems an appropriate time to make what was implied explicit.  The circle of my friends who spent the past year defending my silver lining know who they are.  They neither require nor desire accolade or public recognition.  That doesn’t mean, though, that they don’t deserve just that.  Thank you to my unfailingly supportive family and to Sara, Wes, Maria, Shawnie, John, Megan, Emily, and Diane.  Thank you for getting me through the hands-down roughest year of my life and for never letting me forget that life is good, the world is good, and people (you people, specifically) are good.

Those readers who know me well (or hell, even those who’ve perused even one of my other posts) might be a bit taken aback to hear me make such rose-colored-glasses kind of statements regarding hard stuff.  I’m not typically a glass-half-full  kind of gal.  I find validation and empowerment in acknowledging life’s hard knocks where I see them.  But neither am I gloom-and-doom.  If you’ve paid close attention, my historical acknowledgement of what-sucks-when-it-sucks isn’t followed by pity parties or waving of little white flags.  Quite the contrary, in fact.  What usually follows is a snapping of the elastic of my grown-person drawers around my hips and a deep breath.  Then I get on with things.  It’s not that there’s no use in crying over spilled milk; rather, there’s no use in crying over spilled milk for long.  Sooner than later, you gotta clean up the damn mess and ensure that next time, the cup has a lid on it.

So, as I set forth into the New Year, I too bid good riddance to the past year and embark on new adventures.  Making New Year’s resolutions isn’t really my thing, but I damn well plan to make the most of this year and the ones to come.  The past year taught me that without good people defending your silver lining, life is a much harder row to hoe.  And really, that’s what life and the world is all about anyway.  People and our relationships with them.  Obviously, that includes those people closest to us, our defenders.  But it also includes people and the world in general.  As the New Year begins to unfold before me, I’m setting out to be a better person-with-whom-to-share-a-relationship, which (I imagine) is much easier said than done.  I imagine doing so will involve some heavy soul-searching (at which I’ve basically become a pro) and new understandings and actions of trust, empathy, gratitude, and forgiveness.  The journey will likely be a long one, much longer than this year, and I’m sure I’ll blunder along the way.  But I’ll also grow and evolve.  And that’s just plain nifty.  Also, I’m sure I’ll discover the meaning of life while I’m at it.  Don’t worry; I’ll keep you posted.